One Of Those Nights

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February 24, 2021

We’ve all had one of those nights.  You know!  One of those nights.  No matter how hard you try to distance yourself from the night the physical actuality of your accountability is facing one of those nights.  At 12:05 this morning I chose to write.  The words splashed into place aren’t supposed to be understood but rather used as a place in the presence of what was the Now.  I wrote:  I walk through this house as if I’m a ghost.  Am I still alive? I’m viewing all the artwork on the walls.  I know the story of each piece.  I remember what was required to invite the expression into the world I had during that place of Now.  What happens to all of this when time says I can no longer be here?  I’m heavily and deeply inspired by the presence of how an artist can let go of their expression.  I feel something different in every piece.  Each speaks its own language and I hear it.  My home is never dark.  I have late night lighting.  I’m addicted to always being aware.  I need to know where my next step will be planted.  And when I go there, the art on these walls is right there with me.  I hold onto these moments of Now like it’s a favorite book.  They teach me how to escape.  This is where I apologize to the creative self.  For the pain that consumes my body, is it real or just part of the past 52 weeks of a pandemic?  A shut down.  The sudden unexpected twist of a career you thought you had control of until time put us in a place of new age survival.  There’s so much to still learn.  Therefore we should all wear the slippers baring the name of humble.  If you listen to the stories of the passerby you’ll learn more than binge watching another episode of Schitts Creek.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that it’s ok to be weak.  Keep checking in with that side of your personality.  In time, the physical actuality of your reality will be what you make of the moment.  Yeah, it’s all changed.  Everything worked for has a new image.  Your position of responsibility is an essential job you once ignored and now through experience you’re learning newer ways to connect with a fast paced guest who holds no interest in how you used to be.  One of those nights always leads to one of those mornings.  How we decide to limit ourselves or push forward is the existence of presentation.  Have we reached the stage of life where we don’t want people to know what we used to do?  We are well aware of the actuality of Now.  There’s no reason to make it the conversation.  The next step should be what we were endlessly taught in martial arts.  You may have a third degree black belt wrapped around your waist but if the person in front of you is a white belt; as are you.  One of those nights.