Stream Thinking: Before With No After

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March 15, 2021

How many of your personal thoughts are tossed? Here then gone. Sometimes you struggle to get them back but it ends up being wasted energy. I’m a stream thinker. Living a free form life.  It doesn’t just happen.  You have to practice it over and over. One problem.  Being a daily writer is a very noisy expectation.  No matter what’s put on a page it has the power and ability to reach you many years down the road.  I learned this while hosting a podcast that broke down my book One Man’s 1,021 Thoughts.  I went back 18 years to see if lessons in life were learned.  Then it got extremely dark and too heavy to hold. The moments after 9-11.  You lived the day but do you remember life after.  Not assumption.  Do you remember the emotional rollercoaster that followed?  Through daily writing it’s there.  I couldn’t handle what the writer was enduring so the journey forced me to break free of the moments.  The same is true about the first anniversary of Covid 19.  I did everything to keep my inquisitive self from going into the boxes filled with writing journals.  I didn’t need to know what the person versus the writer had and continues to live through. The worst fear was being reminded of how far we haven’t grown over the past fifty two weeks.  Why would we put ourselves through this mess again and again? The inner voice got too loud.  I finally went back to the pages last seen in March of 2020.  What I discovered was an emotional middle aged man that didn’t know how to handle losing every job he was associated with.  He spoke of the danger, the huge corporations shutting down and how a Covid case had been reported six miles from his home.  He questioned God about his or her location.  He also wrote that he wasn’t in fear and how much he trusted the universe.  The writer then was being heard now.  There’s absolutely no need to give permission to your ears for your heart has already heard.  Twenty four hours after strolling through the birth days of Covid I openly admit that it wasn’t a mentally safe decision.  As people we want to get back to our past to help the self in pain and or question.  The truth is.  You can’t.  Live forward while studying the art of experience.  Being a writer is a very noisy job.  Don’t let it drown out your favorite songs on the radio.